i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
