what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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