Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
