I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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