Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
