remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
