Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
