Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
