You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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