Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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