That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
