Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
