why didn't you poke me back
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
