I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
