And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
