When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She announced her abortion via fbk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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