I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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