I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
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I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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