Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
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just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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