You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
