I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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