Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
