How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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