Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize