my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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