There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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