Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize