if i can run in heels then i can drive
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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