What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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