Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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