The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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