I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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