his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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