You're completely useless in the revolution.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My feet surprised me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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