I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
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