I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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