Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize