Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
