guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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