my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
