Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
