Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
sex in a hospital.. check
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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