I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
