My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
