Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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