I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
