well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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