I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
