everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
