**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
