I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
