Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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