i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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