Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
