i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
