So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
